(P.S. I won't always change what you think I should.)
Prologue
Spring
Bank
“Oh… you’re right. I should have told you.”
“It’s too late now,” he replied.
“But-“
“No! He’s gone now, there ain’t nothin we can do,” he
stated, cutting her off.
“I’m sorry Jack, I thought you were okay alone,” she said to
the decayed corpse lying on the ground in front of them. It started to move,
and he quickly put a bullet in its head.
“We gotta get outta here before more of ’em arrive, you know
what happens when they howl,” James said, gesturing to all of the dead corpses
on the ground, each one with at least one bullet hole in the skull.
“Okay, “ Maya replied with a little sob.
“I know he was our son, but it’s the Thaw, and there are
bound to be more comin soon,” James quickly stated, suddenly in a hurry looking
out the glass doors.
As she turns to look, she asks “What’s wro-“
She was cut off by the sound of breaking glass and moans
from the double doors.
“Too late, here they come!” he shouted to her, as swarms
started flowing in.
The only thing to be
heard were the moans of the infected, and gunfire.
After several hours, the gunfire stopped but the hordes were
still flowing in, and the horrid screams of the undead continued.
In the dismal night from bird’s eye, two figures
were seen fleeing from the bank, and into the night.
I think that it is decent, you could continue it. However, there leave so little info in the prologue, and it gives no background info on a whole lot of things. Maybe if you made it longer with more details like... introduce the characters first. ;D Other than the fact that I really couldn't understand the idea clearly, I think you should continue it, though.
ReplyDeleteThis is just a prologue, I'll explain all that in the first few chapters, and this will wrap into the story somewhere if I do continue it.
DeleteAlright. :D Maybe you could get the appearance of James and Maya, though. It seems like a good idea.
Delete